Wedding Tips: How to Tell Your Best Friend Their Nightmare Kid Isn’t Going to be the Ring Bearer

For many Orange County brides, the hardest part of the wedding planning process comes down to letting people know how they will (or won’t!) be helping the couple celebrate their special day.

“My friend Amy is wonderful,” Zoe said. “I love her to pieces. But her son, Jackie, is already this out-of-control terror. He’s the kind of kid who’s always running around and bouncing off the walls, screaming. Which fine, he’s a toddler, that’s what they do. Amy thinks it would be so cute if I had Jackie as the ring bearer. But no, that wouldn’t be cute. That would be a nightmare.”

“We got a great deal on our wedding bands,” Zoe’s fiance, Stan, said. “But they weren’t exactly cheap, you know? I don’t want to trust this little kid with over a grand’s worth of diamonds.”

Be kind but firm when letting your friend know that their child won’t be participating in the wedding ceremony, relationship experts advise in these wedding tips. Figure out ahead of time how you’re going to handle the ring bearer situation – maybe another child has already been promised that honor? Perhaps his best man will have the ring? – and present your friend with this information as a plan that has already been set in stone.

Another strategy is to give your friend’s child a way to participate in the ceremony that isn’t as central. Throwing rose petals out of a basket is a just-as-visible but infinitely-less-potentially-expensive alternative than serving as a ring bearer.

If you’re not including any other children in your wedding ceremony, this is a good opportunity to point out how difficult and uncomfortable being in a wedding party can be for little kids. Wearing formal clothes and staying still are not many toddler’s idea of fun. Making the child’s comfort and happiness central is really hard to argue with.

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